the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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