i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
