If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
