I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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