White coat. Heels.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
