Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
