***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
