Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
