Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
