i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
