i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize