Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
