You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
