Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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