i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
