when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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