he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i dont even know how to be here
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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