Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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