Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
