everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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