So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
