We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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