sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
