handjob tips. give me some.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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