why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
