Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
