I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
