they need to just BURY HIM!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Sorry about my life...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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