i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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