Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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