theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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