Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
