I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
