Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
