You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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