Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
