Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
