If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
