im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
