Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
