Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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