I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
