There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
