I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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