i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
