You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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