Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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