Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
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