good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize