i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
