4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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