Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
sex in a hospital.. check
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
