4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
