yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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