Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
