A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
be right there i have to get my cape
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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