bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
