we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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