mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
