Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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