I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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