you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
