OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
