Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
